Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Back from the Beyond

First of all, sorry it took me so long to get back and give you an update! I spent the week after I got robbed moving, and then I was so behind in my law work that I have been swamped ever since. The robberies in the complex are still going on, which is crazy to me—I guess the management there just doesn’t care about its tenants. They actually told me they knew it was someone in the complex, but obviously they aren’t going to do anything about it. I hope the manager enjoyed her cut from my new TV.

However, my new apartment is amazing--it's 200 square feet bigger, with a massive garden tub, gas fireplace, hardwoods, and an alarm. Even better, the closet is so big I can finally hang up every item of clothing I own--at one time. There are security guards in the parking lot every night, and cameras in the halls. I feel so much safer. And the best thing is that it was only $50 more a month. Thank you, horrible economy! I've had to cut out some fun activities like eating out, but it's worth it to feel secure in my lovely new place. They even painted a wall yellow for me, so it's sunny and cheery.

A lot has happened since I moved, as well. “Happened” as in I took a hammer and made a shambles of everything. I went to law school because I was so lost with what I wanted in my life. I didn’t know what path to take, if I wanted to get married and have a family, if I wanted to focus on a career instead, if I wanted to join the Peace Corp and move to the Ukraine.

In retrospect, the law has been a mistake for me. I don’t enjoy the competition or the work, despite the fact that I did so well. I don’t really indentify with or enjoy many of my peers, and I think I might have been better suited to a Ph.D. program with one of my true passions, English or History. I’m still looking into it. I’m not a quitter, and I will finish law school. But if I don’t like practice, I’m not going to tie myself to it.

I also broke up with my boyfriend of five years. Maybe that will be a mistake, but it feels right for so many reasons, even while I’m crushed and crying. We both just want drastically different things out of life, and even I’ve broken both our hearts I feel like my decision was the necessary one. I’m just not ready for a wedding—I’ve really never wanted that like some people do. I didn’t plan it as a little girl, don’t browse “The Knot” in my spare time, and just get no joy out of the thought of picking out the dress and the garter and tasting frostings to make my perfect day. I’m not ready for the marriage that comes after, either. I like to live alone and run my own life, not answering to anyone.

However, this does not mean I’m horribly sad! I have a buoyant hope that soon things will work out—I’ll find my niche in the law or something else, meet a love that takes my breath (and selfishness) away, and have a lovely charmed life. It just means that this blog might turn into an “Erica figures out her life” blog, and you are not obligated to read it at all. I can’t afford a new camera, so while I still strive for fashion I just can’t share it.

Thank you for all your kind comments after I was robbed! They really meant a lot to me, and I hope all has been going well in your lives. It feels good to be back.


*Diane* said...

oh my gosh! a lot has changed! I 'm really glad you're ok. And as far as the other changes, you're not alone, i'm also trying to figure out paths to take. I 'm sure things will work out for the best. **Big Hug** welcome back :-)

Sheila said...

I was so excited to see your comment! Welcome back, hon, you were very much missed in our little "community".

I'm thrilled that you've gotten a new place and that it's even better than before!

And I'm actually glad that you're taking some time to sort out things in your life. Getting stuck in a rut or cruising along doing what you think you're "supposed" to do never really works.

Law school will be a huge advantage to you in whatever you choose to do, whether that's actually law or something else that you find more suited to you. I work with a lot of lawyers and you're much more...shall I say? socially adept (haha) than many that I've met. I can tell by your writing and your style.

I'm sorry to hear you and your beau broke up, and it's no consolation, but it really is better to do it now than to find yourself headed for the altar and then realizing it. You're a gem and I know you won't be solo for long. Of course, being a bit of a loner myself (I often kick my husband out of the house so I can have "Sheila time"), I do know that it can be a very good thing to be on your own.

I'm looking forward to reading your blog - I'll still pop in when I can. I thought of you when I read "Let the Right One In" (waiting for the movie to come out on DVD). Great book.

Take care of yourself, and hope to "see" you soon, Erica.


Monique said...

It's like an all new life. I'm glad you're back!

V said... many changes! And all of them seem to be right when you needed them, I know things will work out and you'll figure it out!

Shante said...

I'm glad you're back. You're very wise to figure out EXACTLY what you want now. And I believe you'll find your niche, whether that be in law or not. My husband worked for a law firm for one year before going corporate which lead to an incredible opportunity that we are pursuing now and he's not even practicing law, but tell you what, knowing the law and the legalities behind contracts, etc is invaluable in nearly everything you pursue. You're a very wise woman! keep blogging!

D'Rae said...

So glad you are back and found a fab place to live! Sory to hear about the other things, but I know that they will all work out in your favor!

Trace said...

Hi Erica! We are all so glad you're back! Congrats on the new place. Sending lots of good vibes your way. You seem like such a brillant and independent woman, it will be exciting to see where life takes you next. A law degree will benefit you no matter what you do, and you are so smart to follow your heart. I'm sorry to hear about your break up, but it sounds like it's definitely for the best and a new beau will sweep you off your feet when you least expect it! Welcome back!!

Kayleigh said...

Ok, YAAAAY you're back, and YAAAY you're safe -- that's the most important thing.

I was struck over all by how brave you are. You've made some life changing decisions but you acted from your center and a place of knowing yourself. That's HUGE. I admire you for that.

It sounds like you are taking the changes in stride and while they are big and jarring you are handling it all with grace.

So glad to "see" you here, and to know you are well :)

Rachael said...

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup - they suck no matter who ends it and for what reason. I'm glad you're back and doing ok!

P.S I've tagged you :)

peps said...

Ahhh, that sucks! At least in one sense you are starting to figure things out; that is a positive note.
I hope things continue to work themselves out.

Erica said...

Diane--Thanks!! I have great faith that we will both figure out our paths and speed to happiness. But being lost is not always so bad either!

Sheila--Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment!! It is really important to me to have alone time and independence, and I'm going to cherish that for the moment. I think you will love "Let the Right One In"...good movie!


V--Thanks! Change does come when you need it, even if you have to make it yourself. :)

Shante--Thank you for your encouragement! I always like hearing about your husband's path as well--good to know he has found such amazing opportunities outside the law!


Trace--Thank you for your kind words! When someone comes to sweep me I will let you know. :)

Kayleigh--thanks for your enthusiasm!! It made me feel so good. :) Your phrase about "handling things with grace" really struck me--I am trying and will keep doing so. Thanks for the encouragement.

Rachael--Thanks! And I love being tagged!

Peps--thanks! Yes, it is important to look on the positive side, and there always is one!

Pretty Little Pictures said...

Your apartment sounds lovely, and everyone needs to take time to figure out their lives, so go ahead, you may get some useful advice :)